I am still here....
I have been reading lot of blogs, but not really posting much in response. I am at a low-point right now with lots of stuff in my life. First, I want to make a change in my career and was so hoping it was going to happen much sooner than later, but the job fell through. At first I was ok with it, but now as the weeks keep going on and I keep looking it makes me realize that I really did want that job more than I originally thought. So, it is making me frustrated and sad. I keep telling myself there has to be a reason for it - God's plan, but it doesn't make it any easier to push forward some days. My current job has me under tremendeous stress...UGH.
Second, the holidays and family. I am just not into it this year. I miss my Mom so much and holidays were really special when she was alive. She will be gone this coming May - 3 years now, but for whatever reason this year her not being here is really affecting me. I think it has to do with the fact that I am still very emotionally heartbroken about the miscarriage and that I should be holding our baby right now and learning to be a mother myself and looking to her for guidance. I just feel like no one remembers.
I told E the other day, that I think we shouldn't purchase gifts for one another this year and just get something we both want together - like maybe a laptop (we were looking at them back in late August and thought it might be a good idea to have another computer in the house especially with him taking computer courses with lots of homework/labs to do). Plus due to our financial situation of one-income, we don't have the extra monies to go all out and spend lots on Xmas gifts. I am going to keep it to a bear minimum of spending this year, plus with the way I have been feeling lately I doubt will have much Xmas spirit anyway. E strung some white lights around the lamp post and bush near our front door the other day, but not sure if I am going to bother with our tiny indoor tree.
I just finished my second box of Premphase last night, so awaiting AF's arrival any day now...what a fun holiday gift! I will be calling up Dr. M (Infertility doc.) when AF arrives to get bloodwork done again on the 3rd day. The FSH had come down last month (will fill in number later from paperwork), but she wants to see it go down further. I am tiring not to think any further than now with this whole process and leaning towards "not much hope". I feel like if I think this way, I am better off then having more heartache. I just don't think I can take it right now.
On the positive side, E and I continue to do our morning walk on the weekdays. I really find that these walks help me so much - it is so worth getting up 30 minutes earlier. Plus it gives us time to talk and catch up. Last Saturday, I had my hair highlighted a cooper-reddish color and I have to say I am really liking it and getting lots of compliments too - that makes me smile.
E and I are spending the holidays by ourselves (our choice) and eating our Thanksgiving dinner at a local restuarant. I am looking forward to be waited on - so what I need right now.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Second, the holidays and family. I am just not into it this year. I miss my Mom so much and holidays were really special when she was alive. She will be gone this coming May - 3 years now, but for whatever reason this year her not being here is really affecting me. I think it has to do with the fact that I am still very emotionally heartbroken about the miscarriage and that I should be holding our baby right now and learning to be a mother myself and looking to her for guidance. I just feel like no one remembers.
I told E the other day, that I think we shouldn't purchase gifts for one another this year and just get something we both want together - like maybe a laptop (we were looking at them back in late August and thought it might be a good idea to have another computer in the house especially with him taking computer courses with lots of homework/labs to do). Plus due to our financial situation of one-income, we don't have the extra monies to go all out and spend lots on Xmas gifts. I am going to keep it to a bear minimum of spending this year, plus with the way I have been feeling lately I doubt will have much Xmas spirit anyway. E strung some white lights around the lamp post and bush near our front door the other day, but not sure if I am going to bother with our tiny indoor tree.
I just finished my second box of Premphase last night, so awaiting AF's arrival any day now...what a fun holiday gift! I will be calling up Dr. M (Infertility doc.) when AF arrives to get bloodwork done again on the 3rd day. The FSH had come down last month (will fill in number later from paperwork), but she wants to see it go down further. I am tiring not to think any further than now with this whole process and leaning towards "not much hope". I feel like if I think this way, I am better off then having more heartache. I just don't think I can take it right now.
On the positive side, E and I continue to do our morning walk on the weekdays. I really find that these walks help me so much - it is so worth getting up 30 minutes earlier. Plus it gives us time to talk and catch up. Last Saturday, I had my hair highlighted a cooper-reddish color and I have to say I am really liking it and getting lots of compliments too - that makes me smile.
E and I are spending the holidays by ourselves (our choice) and eating our Thanksgiving dinner at a local restuarant. I am looking forward to be waited on - so what I need right now.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I am so sorry things are so hard for you right now. Thinking of you.
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