Not Feeling it.....
I am so not into Xmas this year and for the last 2 years right about now I would be planning out what our Xmas card would say. I had been doing a reflective look back on our year as our card, but this year when I look back on all we have been thru, I don't see anything happy to write about. So I won't be doing them this year...who wants to read about unhappiness....plus not everyone knows of our miscarriage this past year.
I took the afternoon yesterday off from work to run errands and had talked to E about getting a Xmas wreath for our door (we don't do a tree because our place is small and with having Puddin this year - not sure how she would be with a tree begin she is only a year old). I miss the smell of a live tree so I thought a wreath would be nice. When I was looking them over at the store, I picked up 2 of them and the needles started to come off and my "bubble of hapiness" just bursted. I started to think well, now we will have needles all over the place and with Puddin going onto our screenporch, she will probably want to eat them and we will be tracking them into the house. I just turned around and left...UGH UGH UGH!
I haven't put up any decorations around the house, still have the Fall stuff out. I just don't have the desire or energy to put up anything. All our Xmas stuff is packed away up in the loft part of the garage on the property and I have no desire to go out there either. Plus, we won't be having anyone here this Xmas, so I told E what does it matter.
I really hate feeling this way, but I just can't seem to shake it lately. I find myself feeling ok on some days and then out of the blue something will hit me...watching tv with commericals of toys for kids for Xmas or I start to think about how I should be holding my newborn right now instead of dealing with a full-time job with an ever increasing workload and wondering why has this job taken over my life?
Lastly, I am very frustrated because I am on Day 10 of Premphase and AF is no where in sight...WTF?? Last month I was so happy she arrived (after not having AF for 4 months) and just expected the same for this month. I just can't figure out my body and that makes me sad because I am thinking it is telling me that I am headed for pre-menopause and there is no chance of a future pregnancy. Time is just ticking away and I can't even get AF on a regular cycle....just so so frustrating.
So I like to at least end this with a positive note, I decided this week to become a consultant for Thirty-One Accessories (I have mentioned these pretty bags prior in my posts and how much I love them). I need a something in my life that I can focus on other than my crappy full-time job and not having a baby right now. What woman doesn't get some high/happiness from a new accessory! Plus, I have had recent interest from friends/co-workers in them. Here is my webpage: http://www.mythirtyone.com/49392/. Feel free to contact me if interested.
I took the afternoon yesterday off from work to run errands and had talked to E about getting a Xmas wreath for our door (we don't do a tree because our place is small and with having Puddin this year - not sure how she would be with a tree begin she is only a year old). I miss the smell of a live tree so I thought a wreath would be nice. When I was looking them over at the store, I picked up 2 of them and the needles started to come off and my "bubble of hapiness" just bursted. I started to think well, now we will have needles all over the place and with Puddin going onto our screenporch, she will probably want to eat them and we will be tracking them into the house. I just turned around and left...UGH UGH UGH!
I haven't put up any decorations around the house, still have the Fall stuff out. I just don't have the desire or energy to put up anything. All our Xmas stuff is packed away up in the loft part of the garage on the property and I have no desire to go out there either. Plus, we won't be having anyone here this Xmas, so I told E what does it matter.
I really hate feeling this way, but I just can't seem to shake it lately. I find myself feeling ok on some days and then out of the blue something will hit me...watching tv with commericals of toys for kids for Xmas or I start to think about how I should be holding my newborn right now instead of dealing with a full-time job with an ever increasing workload and wondering why has this job taken over my life?
Lastly, I am very frustrated because I am on Day 10 of Premphase and AF is no where in sight...WTF?? Last month I was so happy she arrived (after not having AF for 4 months) and just expected the same for this month. I just can't figure out my body and that makes me sad because I am thinking it is telling me that I am headed for pre-menopause and there is no chance of a future pregnancy. Time is just ticking away and I can't even get AF on a regular cycle....just so so frustrating.
So I like to at least end this with a positive note, I decided this week to become a consultant for Thirty-One Accessories (I have mentioned these pretty bags prior in my posts and how much I love them). I need a something in my life that I can focus on other than my crappy full-time job and not having a baby right now. What woman doesn't get some high/happiness from a new accessory! Plus, I have had recent interest from friends/co-workers in them. Here is my webpage: http://www.mythirtyone.com/49392/. Feel free to contact me if interested.
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