Packin Up and Sadness...

Spent majority of the weekend packin.  Started with the kitchen on Saturday, while E was out on a job.  Got about half done by the time he got home (plus laundry and preparing for 2 Thirty-One Parties for this coming weekend).  On Sunday, worked on packing up stuff in our bedroom closet (while E was out on yet another job) and as usual (like every other move since 2004), came across the "box" with all the baby books and various baby clothing in it and I said in my mind "why am I holding on to this stuff" and "why do I keep putting myself thru this misery each time I come across this box".  I proceed to take all the baby books except the baby book that I wrote in during my first pregancy and I went straight to the recycling bin and tossed them in.  E was just coming thru the door at that moment and asked "oh what are throwing away" and I showed him and said, I just can't deal with having these anymore - there is no need for them.  I then proceeded back to the box in the bedroom and starting to gather up the clothing (including a blanket that I had cross-stitched 2 little bears on, a pair of socks I cross-stitched on and 2 little oneses I had iron-ons) and got a plastic bag and put them in it and turned to E and said, I just can't deal with these anymore either, why do I hold on to them when there will be no baby in our future...it just makes me sad and takes me back to all the heartache.  E responded, I know and it hurts me too.  I stopped for a moment looking at the clothing and said, should I hold onto them for one of my nieces (because it was killing me to think I spent time on making these and no one that I knew would appreciate it if I just tossed them in the garbage)?  E responded, well, there aren't taking up alot of room and you put time into making them...just put them back in the box for now.  So, for now I am at some peace with the clothing still being around and knowing that one day I will give them to one of my nieces (hopefully) and if I keep thinking of them this way, I should become more and more at peace (I hope).  The books don't bother me as much because they were older and somewhat outdated and given to me second-hand by my sister-in-law.  I also, keep a cross-stitch baby announcement sampler that I had just barely started during my first pregnancy...again with the thoughts that if one of my nieces does get pregnant then I would finish it up for her.  I love that sampler and I just can't seem to part with it.

Even with or without these (material) reminders around, IF will always be with me wherever I go because in reality it is in my heart and mind forever.