AF's Arrival and Other Stuff
I am grateful for:
1. Having a sister who is always there for me.
2. E is having such a wonderful time with his whole family in AZ.
3. So far our present landlord seems very attentive to any issue that comes up with the house.
I know it has been awhile since I have last posted, but I have been reading lots of blogs and commenting on some, but kind of in a funk about writing here lately. Just feeling like there isn't much to say right now.
AF arrived this morning, exactly on time - she is getting better about that part, but her flow is a whole other story. I know I had mentioned about going back to the RE, but to tell the truth, I just can't seem to do it. I am continuing the Premphase, though I did think twice about refilling it this month. I am curious to see if I went off it would the "hot" flashes return - thinking about giving it a try next month. Why can't I go back to the RE...well, I guess I am afraid of saying to her we are done - we have made our decision to move on. Saying this out loud in a doctor's office whether it is the RE or OB/GYN (who I should see as well), just brings up so much emotion that I can't bear the thought of breaking down while saying it. It is one thing to be thinking this way and writing about it, but another to say it. I am not sure of myself in that I can make it thru that conversation without totally losing it. So, I am in a state of flux with this whole thing. I rationally know I have to face this, but I keep push it off for now.
I don't know how many of you read this blog: http://lifewithoutbaby.wordpress.com/2011/07/08/destinys-plans-for-a-childfree-life/, but I do and I absolutely love reading her blog that I purchased her book last week and I read in 2 days! For those of you who are coming to terms with the idea of never having children, I truly suggest this book. I loved reading her story and I so identified with so much of it. It made me feel so not alone and helped me realize that the decision E and I have been forced to make and how we feel about it, others are feeling the same way. I have stated here that the one thing I didn't want to lose during TTC was the wonderful relationship I have with E. I felt if that got damaged beyond repair due to the intense pressure of TTC and we did bring a child into that I would feel so bad to have a child in a damaged relationship. I didn't want to lose us because I view us as the foundation. Lisa writes about this in the book and I so related.
Lastly, one of our furbabies, Dora will be going to the vet for a check-up this afternoon. I am concerned about her losing weight and hoping that there isn't any underlining medical issue going on. We had a previous cat, Jasmine, for almost 18 years and at 10 years old she came down with hyperthyroidism which we treat but eventually turned to kidney disease which took her life (she weighed only 3.5 lbs at the end). As most of you know, these memories stick hard with you and make you fear that it will happen again (just like a miscarriage), so right now I am a bundle of nerves in anticipation of this appt. Please say a prayer that she will be ok (she is just 5 years old).
1. Having a sister who is always there for me.
2. E is having such a wonderful time with his whole family in AZ.
3. So far our present landlord seems very attentive to any issue that comes up with the house.
I know it has been awhile since I have last posted, but I have been reading lots of blogs and commenting on some, but kind of in a funk about writing here lately. Just feeling like there isn't much to say right now.
AF arrived this morning, exactly on time - she is getting better about that part, but her flow is a whole other story. I know I had mentioned about going back to the RE, but to tell the truth, I just can't seem to do it. I am continuing the Premphase, though I did think twice about refilling it this month. I am curious to see if I went off it would the "hot" flashes return - thinking about giving it a try next month. Why can't I go back to the RE...well, I guess I am afraid of saying to her we are done - we have made our decision to move on. Saying this out loud in a doctor's office whether it is the RE or OB/GYN (who I should see as well), just brings up so much emotion that I can't bear the thought of breaking down while saying it. It is one thing to be thinking this way and writing about it, but another to say it. I am not sure of myself in that I can make it thru that conversation without totally losing it. So, I am in a state of flux with this whole thing. I rationally know I have to face this, but I keep push it off for now.
I don't know how many of you read this blog: http://lifewithoutbaby.wordpress.com/2011/07/08/destinys-plans-for-a-childfree-life/, but I do and I absolutely love reading her blog that I purchased her book last week and I read in 2 days! For those of you who are coming to terms with the idea of never having children, I truly suggest this book. I loved reading her story and I so identified with so much of it. It made me feel so not alone and helped me realize that the decision E and I have been forced to make and how we feel about it, others are feeling the same way. I have stated here that the one thing I didn't want to lose during TTC was the wonderful relationship I have with E. I felt if that got damaged beyond repair due to the intense pressure of TTC and we did bring a child into that I would feel so bad to have a child in a damaged relationship. I didn't want to lose us because I view us as the foundation. Lisa writes about this in the book and I so related.
Lastly, one of our furbabies, Dora will be going to the vet for a check-up this afternoon. I am concerned about her losing weight and hoping that there isn't any underlining medical issue going on. We had a previous cat, Jasmine, for almost 18 years and at 10 years old she came down with hyperthyroidism which we treat but eventually turned to kidney disease which took her life (she weighed only 3.5 lbs at the end). As most of you know, these memories stick hard with you and make you fear that it will happen again (just like a miscarriage), so right now I am a bundle of nerves in anticipation of this appt. Please say a prayer that she will be ok (she is just 5 years old).
I so get what you're saying! I *want* to go to the RE but we're also *done* but to actually go and admit that we're out of options is SCARY!!! Good luck to you which ever way you go! Hugs!!!
ReplyDeleteOh Jen I envy you so much... I am at the point where I too think I am done. The one thing that troubles me is that I might regret the decision later on, so I am still undecided. I am scared of talking about it even with my husband. A month ago I purchased that book through Amazon... and cancelled the purchase immediately. I don't know what gets into me.
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