A Fine Line...

I have always had, since the day I entered the career world at the ripe ole age of 19 years old a "fine line" drawn between my professional and personal life. I was taught by my Mom to respect my elders, mind my manners and don't put your nose in where it doesn't belong. I watched my Mom interact with adults, in my years growing up, and the one thing that comes to mind quickly is that my Mom was an on-looker most of the time. She wasn't the one who would lead the pack, she wasn't the loudest in the bunch, and she didn't demand attention from others. She was more the one who quietly interacted with others - when asked a question, she would answer...when told a joke, she would laugh, but she somehow always knew how to draw a "fine line" between going overboard and still having fun. She taught me early on these lessons and I still pretty much carry them with me today. In lots of ways I am very much like my Mom, but as I have aged and experienced things in my life, I have gotten much bolder than she ever was. I am more than willing to be the leader of the pack at times and I will speak up if I feel I need to, but the one thing that I still has't changed is that "fine" line between professional and my personal life. There has only ever been a handful of co-workers in my career that I have ever let cross over and it was never immediate - it would take a couple of years. It was a slow process and not one I just let anyone into. I guess you can say that co-worker needed to "prove" themselves to me before I would let them in. Now let me say this... it isn't the same kind of friendship like one you would develop from a child like a high school friend. It is different on many levels - with my best friend from high school, I will talk about my husband/marriage in detail or more serious things (like details of my health/infertility), but not co-worker friends. I also don't go out with co-worker's spouses as couples...too personal for me. Which brings up a side note here: when we experienced Hurricane Sandy and we lost power for 7 days, my school was shut down due to no electricity, but we had scheduled a conference for that weekend and for a couple of days they thought going ahead with this conf. in hopes of getting electricity. Well, my co-worker (K), who I have talked about prior (we don't get along) in another post, was leading this conf. She left me a voicemail on my cell phone during our power outage to tell me that if the school decided to go forward with holding the conference that I needed to do whatever to get to the school for that conference. Mind you...we had no running water = no shower. She informed me that she would be more than happy to open up her guest bedroom to me and E (they had power) and live much closer to the school so I could be ready to go to the conf. with her in the morning. E heard this message (as I played it on the speaker phone) and he was like "why is she including me in this"? Least to say, the conf. never happened that weekend and I refused to call her back plus I was experience very bad cell phone reception as well, let alone give her my reply to that offer of the guest bedroom - as this definitely crosses my "fine" line.

So, as I approach this year's work holiday party...I will explain why I don't participate in them. First, there are two kinds of work holidays parties - ones that are with your co-workers only and the other with spouses included. I will say that the only work holiday party I will (or should I say force to) participate in is the kind that is during work hours (that if you didn't, it just makes it very awkward - not acceptable). These other holiday parties that happen after work hours and you can bring your spouse, just aren't my thing. Here are my reasons:

1. I don't think it is fair to your spouse to subject them to your work life. For E, he just has no really interest in meeting the people at my job.
2. When alcohol is being served - which is at most parties in the evenings, people just go way overboard with it - get drunk and say and do things that you just don't want to see or remember that person by the next day.
3. Like I said above, I am very selective about the few co-workers I choose to hang out with and taking my free time to hang out with all my co-workers isn't my idea of fun - no matter how nice the place or the food is.
4. I really don't want to "talk shop" which it usually turns into.
5. Nor do I want to get into detail about my personal life besides the basics.

So, this is why I will not be at my work holiday party tomorrow night. Though between us, I have stated to those who ask "why I am not coming"...I have given them the shortened version of the above (by doing a little white lying) and saying I am sorry, but E and I have plans! Though we don't have any specific plans per say, we will be together and that is all they need to know.