Aging and Death...
I will be 46 years old this coming May and lately I find myself thinking more and more about growing older and the possibility of health issues arising that could cause an early death. In my previous job, one of my responsibilities was to enter obituaries in the database of fundholders. I would say most of them were of elderly people, but every once in awhile I would receive one for someone younger and those would particularly touch my heart and would get me thinking about life and how we just don't know how long we have here. I recently read off a post on Facebook from our local newspaper about a woman in our town who died over the weekend from ALS who was only 55 years old. The obt. caught my eye particularly because of her age, grew up in a well-known family, married and childless, one of 11 children and also the length of it. As I am reading this wonderfully written obt. about this woman and all the good things she had done in her life which included her full-time job working with the elderly who have dementia and ahlemizers, plus her love for animals, I was almost in tears by the end. It was such a touching obt and by far the "best" (if you can refer to an obt. that way) I had ever read that it truly affected me. My first thought was OMG...how does God let this happen and why ALS of all diseases...it is so horrible. My second thought was wow, I wish I had known her personally because of reading that I feel like I do. According to the obit, she gave so much of herself to her elderly patients...see a piece of the obit below:
She was someone who focused on really understanding not only who the patients were but what from their lives, their history, was most meaningful, most significant. From there she would try to recreate experiences that had meaning to the patients,” coworker said. “She loved finding that way in to know who they are, who they were, and draw that out.
“The best example was her annual Thanksgiving dinner. Her patients, based really on their ability, she would have them participate in the preparation. It could be from wiping a table, drying a dish, to helping make a recipe and prepare a dish. She would adapt the activity so that everybody participated to their own ability, and they would all share the dinner.”
It could be difficult to manage, but making Thanksgiving dinner – the sounds, the smells, the simple familiar tasks – was far more valuable to patients than simply being served one. She would have elderly women folding towels, give old men things to fix, a former accountant a desk to work at.
“That participation in the familiar and the known was hugely therapeutic and calming. No one did that as well as her.
I was literally in "awe" of this woman after reading this, but what I don't understand is why her? Such a giving, selfless, caring person given such a horrible diagnosis. This disease robs you of everything but your mind in the end.
Yesterday E and I went out for dinner and I began telling him about this woman. I needed to talk about her and how I was feeling about aging and death. Until my Mom passed away in 2008, I never had anyone very close to me (besides my Grandparents who were elderly and very sick) pass away. Since that time, I have lost 3 uncles (two from cancer and one who died while on treadmill - heart attrack) and the two with cancer didn't live as long as was predicted.
I never thought much about dying when I was in my 20s/30s. In fact, I never gave much thought to the possibility of one day being with one of my parents. It wasn't till E and I moved away from our hometown and in those 4 years that I started to think about it due to my Mom's health declining. But, even then it was so hard when my Mom did pass (even though she wasn't suffering anymore and I had prayed so hard for the suffering to stop), I still felt like it wasn't "real" and it has taken me these past 4 years to come to terms with the fact that she is really gone for good.
So, in moving forward and teaching myself how to cope with aging and death in the most healthy way I know, I have decided to put my energies into enjoying whatever time I have left here on earth, to make the most I can of each and every day that is given to me and to take nothing for granted. There is so much I want to do and experience in this life that those things that I have put on hold or decided to push off for some other time will now get a "re-think" because as the song goes "you got to live like you are dying".
She was someone who focused on really understanding not only who the patients were but what from their lives, their history, was most meaningful, most significant. From there she would try to recreate experiences that had meaning to the patients,” coworker said. “She loved finding that way in to know who they are, who they were, and draw that out.
“The best example was her annual Thanksgiving dinner. Her patients, based really on their ability, she would have them participate in the preparation. It could be from wiping a table, drying a dish, to helping make a recipe and prepare a dish. She would adapt the activity so that everybody participated to their own ability, and they would all share the dinner.”
It could be difficult to manage, but making Thanksgiving dinner – the sounds, the smells, the simple familiar tasks – was far more valuable to patients than simply being served one. She would have elderly women folding towels, give old men things to fix, a former accountant a desk to work at.
“That participation in the familiar and the known was hugely therapeutic and calming. No one did that as well as her.
I was literally in "awe" of this woman after reading this, but what I don't understand is why her? Such a giving, selfless, caring person given such a horrible diagnosis. This disease robs you of everything but your mind in the end.
Yesterday E and I went out for dinner and I began telling him about this woman. I needed to talk about her and how I was feeling about aging and death. Until my Mom passed away in 2008, I never had anyone very close to me (besides my Grandparents who were elderly and very sick) pass away. Since that time, I have lost 3 uncles (two from cancer and one who died while on treadmill - heart attrack) and the two with cancer didn't live as long as was predicted.
I never thought much about dying when I was in my 20s/30s. In fact, I never gave much thought to the possibility of one day being with one of my parents. It wasn't till E and I moved away from our hometown and in those 4 years that I started to think about it due to my Mom's health declining. But, even then it was so hard when my Mom did pass (even though she wasn't suffering anymore and I had prayed so hard for the suffering to stop), I still felt like it wasn't "real" and it has taken me these past 4 years to come to terms with the fact that she is really gone for good.
So, in moving forward and teaching myself how to cope with aging and death in the most healthy way I know, I have decided to put my energies into enjoying whatever time I have left here on earth, to make the most I can of each and every day that is given to me and to take nothing for granted. There is so much I want to do and experience in this life that those things that I have put on hold or decided to push off for some other time will now get a "re-think" because as the song goes "you got to live like you are dying".
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