Alive and Well...
I don't know how many of you are still out there and stop by on my blog anymore since it has been just about a year since I last posted. I wrote last about getting a new job and here it will a year on Tuesday I have been at this job. Things are going better, but I have to say during first six months it was difficult at times and I wasn't sure if I even wanted to stay there, but I have stayed. Partly due to the fact that I just haven't seen anything else out in the job market that is better and the ones I have sent resumes to I haven't heard back from which is one of my biggest pet peeves with employers these days. I truly feel that if you take the time to send in a resume, you should receive some kind of acknowledgement for this task. I guess this comes from my work ethic and my past job responsibililties where I was the one to write to prespective employees "a thanks, but no thanks letter."
Anyway, I have decided to stay at the my current job for now (but I do continue to look). I am trying to focus on some of the positives this job offers instead of the negative and to be happy. The one thing I continuely remind myself of especially when I come to this blog, is how far I have come over the last 5 years and how I don't want to go backwards. Both with the depression over not being able to have a child, being overweight and uncomfortable in my own skin. I have made huge strides in both these areas.
It has been over 2 1/2 years now since I discovered the low-carb lifestyle and lost 50 pounds. It was a huge life changer for me and continues to amaze me daily. I live this lifestyle to the best of my ability on a daily basis, sometimes more dedicated than others as I will admit that I have put on 5 pounds this summer because of letting down my guard and relaxing my food choices. Am I upset with myself, yes, but do I beat myself up about it, no. That is the worst thing I could do because then I would feel miserable and would revert back to eating the way I use to and the cycle would begin all over again, and where would that get me? Instead I just push forward, admit I ate badly yesterday, but turn right back to low carb the next day. I know this is hard for many people to understand as I belong to many low carb blogs and facebook pages and read them daily how people fall off the wagon. The one thing I think that these people are missing is that this isn't a quick fix/diet, you have to want it badly and it is work (hard and frustrating at times), and it will not happen overnight. It took me years to put on the weight and it took me that long to take it off and I wanted it slow and steady! I had seen and read stories of people who took it off too fast and it didn't last. Sadly we are a society of "I want it now and I want it fast" and that just doesn't work when trying to keep the weight off. I am extremely proud of my accomplishment in this area and when I have those days (and I do still have them) when I am frustrated and want to eat badly and have those voices in my head saying, eat that ice cream, cake, bread, rice or pasta, I remind myself of how far I have come and how good I feel about myself. There is something to be said about looking into a mirror and truly liking the person you see...being happy and content within your own skin in that moment...I have more days like this than not.
Lastly, over the last 3 years we had developed a good friendship with a couple who had lived across the street from our previous rental home who happen to be about 10 years younger with us and childless. This friendship had blossomed so much that we were getting together with them almost every month. Last April, we purchased our home and moved about 25 mins. north from them, but still were able to get together every other month. Last October, we had them over for dinner in our new home and they had told us they had been trying to have a child over almost 2 years now without success. She had been to her gyn doctor who put her on meds to see if that would help, but nothing and she has felt awful on them as well. They at that point decided they didn't want to go any further with medical intervention and had turned toward international adoption. April 2014 they had filled out paperwork because they didn't have any desire to do domestic back then due to the fact they didn't like the whole idea of a possible birth mom coming back into their lives. In October 2014 at our dinner together, they had gotten a phone call from their adoption agency about a domestic adoption that was available. The birth mother was very close to her due date (within 2 weeks at this point). They described the circumstances to us that night and I was concerned...it was a 26 year old female, not married, but boyfriend in her life, her parents were divided on the adoption (Dad wanted it, but her Mom not)and boyfriend's parents didn't know about pregnancy even. I just didn't have a good feeling about this working out for our friends from that night on. They kept us posted over the next month and sadly in the end the birth mother old decided to keep the baby. Our friends were so hurt, especially the wife. I felt horrible for them and really thought they won't even want to go through now with an international adoption, but just 1 1/2 months later at their house over Christmas, they show us a picture of a toddler boy in China who has a deformity...one of his ears is located lower on the side of his face and smaller but otherwise looked healthy and happy. They told us they wanted to pursue adopting him and that they choose a "special needs" child because getting a "normal" child from China could take up to 10 years! I was happy for them, but also kind of feeling selfishly sad at the same time for fear that our friendship was now going to change somewhat - they would have a responsibility to a child now, no freedom to go out on a whim, etc. We saw them again about 2 months later and at that point it was a 99% sure they were getting the little boy, then they shared with us about a little Chinese girl...not related to the boy, 18 months and not from the same orphanage. This time we didn't get to see a picture, but told she was also a "special needs" child with way more medical issues than the boy. Now we sat there in somewhat of a shock and tried our best to be encouraging and happy for them. After they left our house that night, we were now very concerned for them. We had a very hard time understanding the "why" of taking on such a challenge. Over the last few months, we have only seen them occasionally as they prepared their home and lives to accept these children. In late May of this year, they traveled to China to get them and over that 2 week period, they sent us and others updates on how it was going. They came home in early June and not two days after the wife with the little girl called "V" headed to the hospital for a 42 day stay. Over that period, I received occasional updates on how things were going with "V" in the hospital...not feeding well, seizures, can't sit up without assistance, low muscle tone, possible CP, etc? My concerned level was extremely high at this point. Last Saturday, they held the Baptism for both kids, only 1 1/2 weeks after coming home from the hospital with "V". I thought it was very fast invitation without a lot of notice. I know realize the why behind all of this now. Ourselves and another couple were the only ones attending at the church, so very small. We went back to their house for lunch and cake afterwards and here is where I got to see "V" and hear about her medical issues. She is fed by a G-tube because she can't take in food via the normal way due to problems with her throat, possible skin growth or flap not right. She is on 5 different meds for infantile seizures and etc. She can't sit up/crawl or even walk. She was in the stroller most of time besides being held by someone. She can't follow you with her eyes, doesn't smile back at you and has heavy breathing like wheezing. I didn't get much of an opportunity to talk face to face with the wife, but got most this information from the husband's mother who was there visiting from Colorado for the past month helping out with the little boy called "E".
I hope that within the next few weeks I will get a text, email or call from the wife saying she would like to chat because I have a strong sense that this has turned into something much bigger than they had thought, hoped or wished for and life definitely as they had once known it has been changed. All I have ever wanted for them was happiness and I pray everyday that things will turn out that way. I have talked with my family and friends about this and most people don't understand why they choose to adopt 2 toddlers at once and especially one with very special needs. The more and more I talk with people and think about the "why", I think I have come to a realization that my friends are very special people who wanted nothing more than to have children and this was an opportunity presented to them and they accepted it. I also have realized that "V" probably would still be in that orphanage hadn't my friends taken here to the USA to get medical care and maybe just maybe she will have a good life for as long as she is here on this earth. God bless that there are people like our friends who can take on such a challenge...it is not something that my hubs or I could have ever considered or done.
Anyway, I have decided to stay at the my current job for now (but I do continue to look). I am trying to focus on some of the positives this job offers instead of the negative and to be happy. The one thing I continuely remind myself of especially when I come to this blog, is how far I have come over the last 5 years and how I don't want to go backwards. Both with the depression over not being able to have a child, being overweight and uncomfortable in my own skin. I have made huge strides in both these areas.
It has been over 2 1/2 years now since I discovered the low-carb lifestyle and lost 50 pounds. It was a huge life changer for me and continues to amaze me daily. I live this lifestyle to the best of my ability on a daily basis, sometimes more dedicated than others as I will admit that I have put on 5 pounds this summer because of letting down my guard and relaxing my food choices. Am I upset with myself, yes, but do I beat myself up about it, no. That is the worst thing I could do because then I would feel miserable and would revert back to eating the way I use to and the cycle would begin all over again, and where would that get me? Instead I just push forward, admit I ate badly yesterday, but turn right back to low carb the next day. I know this is hard for many people to understand as I belong to many low carb blogs and facebook pages and read them daily how people fall off the wagon. The one thing I think that these people are missing is that this isn't a quick fix/diet, you have to want it badly and it is work (hard and frustrating at times), and it will not happen overnight. It took me years to put on the weight and it took me that long to take it off and I wanted it slow and steady! I had seen and read stories of people who took it off too fast and it didn't last. Sadly we are a society of "I want it now and I want it fast" and that just doesn't work when trying to keep the weight off. I am extremely proud of my accomplishment in this area and when I have those days (and I do still have them) when I am frustrated and want to eat badly and have those voices in my head saying, eat that ice cream, cake, bread, rice or pasta, I remind myself of how far I have come and how good I feel about myself. There is something to be said about looking into a mirror and truly liking the person you see...being happy and content within your own skin in that moment...I have more days like this than not.
Lastly, over the last 3 years we had developed a good friendship with a couple who had lived across the street from our previous rental home who happen to be about 10 years younger with us and childless. This friendship had blossomed so much that we were getting together with them almost every month. Last April, we purchased our home and moved about 25 mins. north from them, but still were able to get together every other month. Last October, we had them over for dinner in our new home and they had told us they had been trying to have a child over almost 2 years now without success. She had been to her gyn doctor who put her on meds to see if that would help, but nothing and she has felt awful on them as well. They at that point decided they didn't want to go any further with medical intervention and had turned toward international adoption. April 2014 they had filled out paperwork because they didn't have any desire to do domestic back then due to the fact they didn't like the whole idea of a possible birth mom coming back into their lives. In October 2014 at our dinner together, they had gotten a phone call from their adoption agency about a domestic adoption that was available. The birth mother was very close to her due date (within 2 weeks at this point). They described the circumstances to us that night and I was concerned...it was a 26 year old female, not married, but boyfriend in her life, her parents were divided on the adoption (Dad wanted it, but her Mom not)and boyfriend's parents didn't know about pregnancy even. I just didn't have a good feeling about this working out for our friends from that night on. They kept us posted over the next month and sadly in the end the birth mother old decided to keep the baby. Our friends were so hurt, especially the wife. I felt horrible for them and really thought they won't even want to go through now with an international adoption, but just 1 1/2 months later at their house over Christmas, they show us a picture of a toddler boy in China who has a deformity...one of his ears is located lower on the side of his face and smaller but otherwise looked healthy and happy. They told us they wanted to pursue adopting him and that they choose a "special needs" child because getting a "normal" child from China could take up to 10 years! I was happy for them, but also kind of feeling selfishly sad at the same time for fear that our friendship was now going to change somewhat - they would have a responsibility to a child now, no freedom to go out on a whim, etc. We saw them again about 2 months later and at that point it was a 99% sure they were getting the little boy, then they shared with us about a little Chinese girl...not related to the boy, 18 months and not from the same orphanage. This time we didn't get to see a picture, but told she was also a "special needs" child with way more medical issues than the boy. Now we sat there in somewhat of a shock and tried our best to be encouraging and happy for them. After they left our house that night, we were now very concerned for them. We had a very hard time understanding the "why" of taking on such a challenge. Over the last few months, we have only seen them occasionally as they prepared their home and lives to accept these children. In late May of this year, they traveled to China to get them and over that 2 week period, they sent us and others updates on how it was going. They came home in early June and not two days after the wife with the little girl called "V" headed to the hospital for a 42 day stay. Over that period, I received occasional updates on how things were going with "V" in the hospital...not feeding well, seizures, can't sit up without assistance, low muscle tone, possible CP, etc? My concerned level was extremely high at this point. Last Saturday, they held the Baptism for both kids, only 1 1/2 weeks after coming home from the hospital with "V". I thought it was very fast invitation without a lot of notice. I know realize the why behind all of this now. Ourselves and another couple were the only ones attending at the church, so very small. We went back to their house for lunch and cake afterwards and here is where I got to see "V" and hear about her medical issues. She is fed by a G-tube because she can't take in food via the normal way due to problems with her throat, possible skin growth or flap not right. She is on 5 different meds for infantile seizures and etc. She can't sit up/crawl or even walk. She was in the stroller most of time besides being held by someone. She can't follow you with her eyes, doesn't smile back at you and has heavy breathing like wheezing. I didn't get much of an opportunity to talk face to face with the wife, but got most this information from the husband's mother who was there visiting from Colorado for the past month helping out with the little boy called "E".
I hope that within the next few weeks I will get a text, email or call from the wife saying she would like to chat because I have a strong sense that this has turned into something much bigger than they had thought, hoped or wished for and life definitely as they had once known it has been changed. All I have ever wanted for them was happiness and I pray everyday that things will turn out that way. I have talked with my family and friends about this and most people don't understand why they choose to adopt 2 toddlers at once and especially one with very special needs. The more and more I talk with people and think about the "why", I think I have come to a realization that my friends are very special people who wanted nothing more than to have children and this was an opportunity presented to them and they accepted it. I also have realized that "V" probably would still be in that orphanage hadn't my friends taken here to the USA to get medical care and maybe just maybe she will have a good life for as long as she is here on this earth. God bless that there are people like our friends who can take on such a challenge...it is not something that my hubs or I could have ever considered or done.
I'm here. :) Your friend has taken on quite a challenge. You're right, not something I think we could have done, but bless them for trying to make that little girl's life, however short or long, a little bit better.
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