Appt. with RE

Today was my appt with my new RE and I have to say she is great.  I feel so blessed to have 2 great doctors...knowledgeable, warm and compassionate women. We spent about an hour together going through my history.  Based on what Dr. G. thinks about the PCOS, she is leaning that way too so I am scheduled tomorrow morning for a battery of bloodwork to be taken and also a 2-hour glucose test.  She also gave me a script for E for a semen analysis (he was surprised when I presented him with it when I returned home from my appt, but is gladly and willingly to participate, with a sheepish grin on his face, LOL).  I have never had a glucose test before, so I don't know what to expect or how I will feel afterwards, I called into work and told my boss I will be taking another day off tomorrow.  In a way, I could have probably gone in afterwards, but to tell the truth I could use another day away from work.  I have so enjoyed my long holiday weekend that I want to continue to focus on this stuff and give it top priority.  One of the question, the RE asked me was do I feel depressed and at first I was going to quickly answer "no", but then I thought a minute and realized "yes" I do feel depressed at times and she said "and you should....a loss is a loss no matter how far along your were in your pregnant, you need to give yourself that time to grieve no matter how long that takes.  In ways I have grieved, but I still find myself at times, even after 6 months have passed since the miscarriage, I still cry (I had a big meltdown after my mammogram last week - filing out the paperwork and having to write 2 pregnancy - no live births, boy did that sting bad) and have thoughts about where would I be at this stage if I was still pregnant.  I realize at times, that I hold alot inside and tell myself you should be over it by now....others have moved on, why can't you. 

Also, the RE told me (which was nice to hear) a miscarriage isn't your fault and that majority of the time there is something wrong with the fetus and nothing you did.  I know this is hard for (me) and most of us because we as women carry the baby, we are the ones going through everything and we are the ones who will be the first to put blame on ourselves....it is a hard thing not to do.  The very best part of my appt. for me personally, I am so proud of myself, is that I held it together, listened and absorbed it all - there were no tears - this is a big step for me.

Lastly, Dr. G. over the past 8 months has done a variety of bloodwork on me and I had them send those records to this RE and one very good thing she pointed out to me during my appt. is that my FSH is in a very good range (at the higher end) which means my eggs aren't 43 year old, but more like a 25 year old woman - Edit to this on 9-22 after bloodwork taken on 9-15 - FSH - 98.5 - not good egg quality.  So, since February, my eggs have declined dramatically - mostly likely due to age.  RE gives me script for med to bring on period and will retest FSH again when period arrives.

So, tomorrow morning after fasting, I will head down to the lab for bloodwork and glucose testing.  Going to pack a bag with my book and my knitting - might as well keep myself busy doing the two things I enjoy.