Change is a Brewing....

I have so much I want to write about but just couldn't seem to find, in the last few weeks, the right time to just sit down and do a "brain dump" here.  To say that my life has been all consuming with work, is an understatement.  This job is robbing me of a personal life and I am hating every minute of it.  The work/life balance is just not there.  It has been coming for quite some time, but I just have dealt with it over the past year, but since the miscarriage in March and all the emotions I have experienced lately, I would say since May I have been struggling with how to get a better work/life balance.  I want a job where it isn't about how much you can produce in a day, but how well you did one or 2 things that day and how it made you feel like you made a difference...not just checking things off and moving on.  My job has turned into more about quantity than quality.  The environment has changed as well - we lost 2 people on staff in September that held positions where they were responsible for major projects within the organization and there has been no talk about whether they are going to be replaced, so in turn those responsibilities are falling upon the remaining staff members.  I work in a small organization of about 18 people and to have 2 people leave in one month has put an enoromous strain on all of us.  I can't even imagine if I was still pregnant right now, the amount of stress I would be dealing with...I would definitely been on early leave.  It just proves to me that I am not the same person I use to be...I don't just want to deal with things that are throw my way just because I should be grateful I have a job.  I don't want to sacrifice my happiness just because of a job.  I want to surround myself with people who want that work/life balance.  Who understand that if you put in your 8 hours a day, that is good enough.  Who understand how important family is.  Who understand that if I don't feel well or something comes up with my family health-wise (like my 91 year old father goes to the ER because he has a touch of pneumonia), that they truly understands and I don't hear comments like "well, what about your workload or when my contact lens ripes in half in my eye (and I don't have a replacement with me) and can't see out of one eye and I say I am going home at 3 p.m. and not coming back...well, you know this is inconvenient".  I want a job where I can take a vacation day or two and not feel like I come back to a mountain of work and spend all day just trying to catch up and wondering was it really worth it?  This organization tries to proud themselves on teamwork, but I don't see it.  All of us are just trying to keep our heads above water here...how the HELL can we help each other...we need more bodies!  To say I am burnt-out is an understatement...I am at the point where holding all the balls up in the air for as long as I could is slowly crashing down on me - those balls are going to be hitting me square in the face very soon and to tell you the truth...I really don't care.  I know this is a sign and what it means to me that things need to change and soon.  There has got to be more to LIFE than just work, eat, sleep and do it all over again.  So, if you all can say a prayer for me, that I will be seeing that wonderful colorful rainbow very soon.  As I am currently working on doing everything within my power to make this change come true.

P.S. I finished taking Premphase last Thursday night and now awaiting AF...boy I hope she comes soon because my lower back and pelvis are killing me.  UPDATE: Well, I just found out that I should be continuing to taking the next refill of Premphase, so a quick call to the pharmacy and they will have it for me tomorrow and that I might not even get AF this month and not to worry....UGH UGH UGH!  This is an emotional rollercoaster for my body!