45 Years Old Today...Where Has the Time Gone?

It is hard to believe that I am 45 years old today. Some days I feel like my 30's were yesterday, but lately I have to admit that my body seems to be feeling older than my mind. I am still trying so hard to lose weight (only lost 4 lbs so far) and trying so hard to get back into an exercise routine as well. It just seems when I attempt to do something good for my body like exercise, I ended up feeling the pain so much more than before. E and I started walking in our neighborhood up this steep hill of a road by our house and now I am so feeling the pain in the back of my calves. It seems to be worse after sitting or laying in bed overnight. I wake up in the morning to get out of bed and the minute I go to stand up, the muscles in my calves are killing me and I end up walking so slow just trying to get moving. I feel like my body is failing me (again)...saying "well, you think you are going to get in shape, well think again", but it doesn't know that I have such determination! We are leaving on our week long trip to Cape Cod this Sat. morning and the weather looks to be awesome. I am just praying by that time, the pain will be much less or gone by then. I want to do more walking during that week we are there and I am hoping I will be fine for that (there shouldn't be any hills, the Cape is mostly flat). I am so excited about this trip and can't wait to see the wonderful house we rented for the week. It isn't on the ocean, but sits on a small pond (hey, water is water, right, LOL) and has a wonderful sunroom that looks out onto the water. Can't wait to grab my book and park myself on a chair and totally relax. I am feeling good about how my life has been going lately and I am happy to say that besides the fact of turning 45 today and wondering where the time has gone, I have come to terms with the fact of being childless now and am at peace for this birthday (nice to not be thinking about that biological timeclock ticking away anymore). I look back on 2 years ago when I was so miserable and depressed over our second miscarriage and I realize I needed to go thru that process of grief to get to the point I am at now. I still will always have those moments where it hits me "out of the blue" that I will never be a mother, but at least when these moments happen now, I can pretty much pull myself together and look at the positive things I do have. I am so blessed to have a good solid marriage to E, a loving family (on both sides), a great job and a wonderful place like this to come and share my feelings with all of you. Life is good! Hope you all have a wonderful Memorial weekend.