Yoga and Finding A Balance in Life...
I have recently taken up yoga again...it has been about 10 years. I went to my first class last week and boy by the end of that 1 hour and 15 mins, I was sweating alittle. To some yoga might seem simple (not real exercise) so why would I be sweating, but let me tell you I wasn't the only one and it does make you work. Yoga takes your body into positions that if your body isn't used to, boy it can be alittle tough. I remembered most of the positions, but with 10 years of not doing it, I don't remember my legs shaking as much in the "downward dog" position as before. My flexibility and balance is off right now and I am sure with more classes it will get better with time. There were two positions that I fumbled with - holding one of my legs almost straight up while being in the downward dog position and anything that required a fast change of going from sitting to standing or vice a versus...I was clumpsy at best with these. But, in the end as I walked out of class and got into my car, I was actually feeling good. I felt like my breath was much smoother and clearer - if that make any sense and I felt a sense of relaxation. I was alittle sore the next day, but nothing terrible that I couldn't go about my normal activities. I am planning to make this a regular part of my weekly routine as I am realizing I need this for myself.
When I look back now and think why did I ever stop...my life with E and other priorities always seemed to be more important. Since meeting E and getting married and all the stuff we have been thru in these last 11 years, I had put my some of my needs on the back burner and I really only have myself to blame for this. I realize now that in the beginning of our relationship I was taking the cues I learned from my Mom growing up. My Mom was a stay-at-home mom who was always there for us. She was there when I got up in the mornings, when I came home from school and when I went to bed at night. She always had a good meal on the table whether it was breakfast, lunch or dinner. She always put the needs of her family ahead of her - I came to realize this so much more as I grew older. So, when E and I moved in together and started our life, I slowly began "giving up things that I did for myself - that didn't include him". Things I used to do for myself when I was single (fitness, getting a mani/pedi, massages, etc.). I wanted to be with him and spend most of our time together. I figured that is what a couple did. Even when I did go out with my friends only, he was not far from my mind and couldn't wait to get home to him. Then when we moved out of state (no friends or family within 3-4 hours), he became my true one and only friend most of the time. It was during those 4 years that I really didn't do much for myself outside our home. I had a few friends from the jobs I had, but we didn't have any close friends and I limited the time I spent with those friends from work. I did take a ceramics class once by myself, but didn't really find many women my age at the class and slowly over time stopped going. Looking back now, I realize how much we argued during those 4 years - we were with each other (besides going to work) all the time. We would get on each other nerves and had no one else to turn to or go to - to cool off...it was rough.
Since we have been back in our homestate these last 5 years, I have tried to make a considerable effort to have my own things that I like to do without E. I have more friends here so it makes it easier to get together with them. I have my family here which is so great so there are times I will go by myself to visit or spend the weekend with my Dad and sister. I have come to realize that this is something I need for myself and our marriage. I come back from these outings feeling refreshed and knowing that I did something for myself. I think it is so easy for us as women in relationships to fall into the daily routine of catering to our spouses that if we don't have time for ourselves, that resentment and tense starts to build-up which ends up in arguments. I guess as we go thru experiences in life and learn what works and what doesn't, we make the appropriate modifications and this is where I am finding my balance in life. I know in my heart I am a loving, caring wife to E and he does appreciate (if not said all the time) the things I do for him and our home, but the best part is when I am leaving to go out by myself and he turns to me and says "I hope you have a good time" and gives me a kiss that I really know in my heart that this is exactly what I need to be doing for me and for us.
When I look back now and think why did I ever stop...my life with E and other priorities always seemed to be more important. Since meeting E and getting married and all the stuff we have been thru in these last 11 years, I had put my some of my needs on the back burner and I really only have myself to blame for this. I realize now that in the beginning of our relationship I was taking the cues I learned from my Mom growing up. My Mom was a stay-at-home mom who was always there for us. She was there when I got up in the mornings, when I came home from school and when I went to bed at night. She always had a good meal on the table whether it was breakfast, lunch or dinner. She always put the needs of her family ahead of her - I came to realize this so much more as I grew older. So, when E and I moved in together and started our life, I slowly began "giving up things that I did for myself - that didn't include him". Things I used to do for myself when I was single (fitness, getting a mani/pedi, massages, etc.). I wanted to be with him and spend most of our time together. I figured that is what a couple did. Even when I did go out with my friends only, he was not far from my mind and couldn't wait to get home to him. Then when we moved out of state (no friends or family within 3-4 hours), he became my true one and only friend most of the time. It was during those 4 years that I really didn't do much for myself outside our home. I had a few friends from the jobs I had, but we didn't have any close friends and I limited the time I spent with those friends from work. I did take a ceramics class once by myself, but didn't really find many women my age at the class and slowly over time stopped going. Looking back now, I realize how much we argued during those 4 years - we were with each other (besides going to work) all the time. We would get on each other nerves and had no one else to turn to or go to - to cool off...it was rough.
Since we have been back in our homestate these last 5 years, I have tried to make a considerable effort to have my own things that I like to do without E. I have more friends here so it makes it easier to get together with them. I have my family here which is so great so there are times I will go by myself to visit or spend the weekend with my Dad and sister. I have come to realize that this is something I need for myself and our marriage. I come back from these outings feeling refreshed and knowing that I did something for myself. I think it is so easy for us as women in relationships to fall into the daily routine of catering to our spouses that if we don't have time for ourselves, that resentment and tense starts to build-up which ends up in arguments. I guess as we go thru experiences in life and learn what works and what doesn't, we make the appropriate modifications and this is where I am finding my balance in life. I know in my heart I am a loving, caring wife to E and he does appreciate (if not said all the time) the things I do for him and our home, but the best part is when I am leaving to go out by myself and he turns to me and says "I hope you have a good time" and gives me a kiss that I really know in my heart that this is exactly what I need to be doing for me and for us.
Good for you! I took yoga & "yogalates" (combination yoga & Pilates) classes on & off over a few years -- they were offered by the local community college at a high school just a few blocks north of where I live. They're no longer offered there, & I miss it! -- will have to find another location (albeit not as convenient). I found yoga very relaxing & helpful as a stress reliever. You're so right that, as a couple, you need to have your own friends & interests as well as time together. I am more likely to take a class or plan an outing with a friend than my dh is, though -- he used to take guitar lessons & I wish he'd find something like that again -- I think it's good for him (& for me too, lol).
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