Three Year Anniversary of My Second Miscarriage

Today marks the 3rd anniversary. In some ways I can't believe 3 years has gone by already and in other ways I feel like that day was yesterday. I remember every moment of that day and the feelings I was having were so raw. I just couldn't believe that God would let this happen for a second time especially since it had been so many years between this one and the first one. Knowing how badly we had been trying over those years and now to be given this wonderful gift and to have it taken away 7 weeks later. It was so so heartbreaking. My emotions were all over the place for many months afterwards...why does this keep happening, what is wrong with my body, why can't I stay pregnant and so on and so on. I felt so beaten down and depressed for a whole year afterwards. I keep a lot of my feelings hidden from others (including E). Sometimes I look back now in amazement that I survived and was able to move forward, and I have. I am in a much better place about being childless now than I ever was before. We have accepted the hand that has been dealt to us and in some ways, I see things differently now and realize that we can have a good life without a child. I know there are things we will never experience without having a child, like first day of school, going to the prom, high school and college graduation and marriage/grandchildren, but I am also the type of person that doesn't look at a glass half full either. I have also come to realize that without having a child, we get to experience things we won't with a child like purchasing a light colored/not kid-friendly furniture, not worrying about expensive electronics getting broken, traveling whenever we want, not saving $$$ for education, and sleeping in on the weekends.

Though I know I will never forget this day as it is etched in my mind, heart and soul. As the years do go by, I am finding it easier to heal and move forward with our life.