Winter Blues...Baby Blues

Last night we had a visitor come and dump a blanket of white outside. E was so kind to have brushed my car off before he left for work around 6 a.m.  I, on the other hand, was feeling mixed emotions this morning because I was greeted by another kind of visitor called "my friend" (that is what my Mom always called it back when I was in HS).  Long overdue - been since November.  Had taken at least 3 prego tests during this time - all negative, of course.  Not sure why this happened, but doc. wants me to go get bloodwork done on Day 3 to see where my levels are.  Funny thing how life plays out...I spent all my earlier years doing my best to "prevent" pregnancy with BC daily and now in the last 4 years have done everything to not prevent it, LOL.  I go back and forth with my feelings about the possibility of being pregnant at my age.  My doc. says my age is ok and that lots of women now a days are having babies at this stage in life.  My own mother had me at this age in 1967 when the advancement of ultrasounds and etc. weren't present or actively used as today.  I don't know if it is a good thing that we have the technology today and sometimes I wonder if my mom not knowing how things were going to turn out with me was better.  I worry about all the things I hear...amino test for down-syndome, hypertension that can lead to pre-eclymsia, pregnancy induced diabetes - these things are much more common in pregnant women my age.  My doc. and I had a serious talk back in December - wants me not to have any regrets - 10 years down the road.  I just not sure if I want to lead my body down a road of all these unknowns to have a child.  I guess, the first thing is to see about my levels and go from there.  Looking back I wish I had not gone back on the BC so quickly after the miscarriage, but I was dealing with such raw emotions about the whole experience (should have probably talk to a therapist at that time) that I just didn't want to go through that again.