So far for 2011, the Planets Don't Seem to be Aligning....
I have been feeling lately that nothing seems to be going as I had hope for the beginning of 2011. First, my current full-time job. In January it has been 3 years and I have been feeling the itch to leave since last summer. I feel like I am being pushed forward and then pull backward at the same time. A big chuck of my job, my boss would like to hire an assistant to do, but it seems all we ever do is talk about the future of this and nothing has comes of it. My boss wants me to grow within the department in a way by taking on different projects, but until this assistant comes on board, I am stuck. The other piece is that I would like to grow, but not sure if this job is the right place to do it. I am not on board with some of the ways my boss operates. She loves to "brainstorm" about things with me, but I walk away from these sessions feeling like we didn't resolve anything (all talk, no action). Our CEO announced her "retirement" this past Friday, which didn't come as a surprise to me or I think some others as well...she has been with the organization for 15 years (by the way my boss has too). They are the type of people that stay a long time at one place (I have never stay anywhere longer than 4 1/2 years) and they have strong attachments to the organization (I don't have those strong attachments, don't get me wrong there have been placing I have work that I really enjoyed and had to leave due to a "move" so not because I wanted to get out of the job.) So, all this being said, I have been on the hunt for a new job for awhile now and so far not much has come of any of the resumes I have sent, which is leading me to feel very frustrated and feeling alittle trapped in this current job...UGH.
Also, E and I aren't happy with our current living situation...this winter has been horrible on the East Coast and between the snowstorms and ice storms and living in the woods on small country roads and a non-paved long driveway...it has been very expensive in snowplowing and nerve-wrecking in dealing with where to put all the snow and trying not to "break our necks" on the icy driveway. This place is a small cottage built in the 1930's and has very drafty windows and hardwood floors, so it is costing us a small fortune to heat with the very cold temps this year. We already need another fill for our propane tanks and the last fill was in late November. Last year, we were able to stretch it much further. We also feel like we are outgrowing the space as well (especially with having another kitty join our family last April). She loves to run around and jump - she has lots of energy and we would love to have more room for her to do this. We love this place in the Spring/Summer because of the woods and the peacefulness of the area, but enduring these winter months are testing our patience. So, I have been looking for house rentals in this area and we have gone to see a two so far but neither fits the bill.
Lastly, AF - she is overdue (last was Dec. 29th) and I can't even say I am normally xx days in my cycle because I had that in a such a long time. I am feeling like even with the Premphase things are messed up with my cycles - nothing seems somewhat regular and I thought that was the point of the taking the Premphase. I am frustrated with this and it feels like every month that goes by that my cycles aren't normal and I am getting closer to being 44 years old in May...yikes! If you ask me today, how I feel about this and if I think there is a probability of ever being pregnant again, I would say it is very very low. I also have notice a change in my feelings towards not having a child versus how I was feeling a couple of months ago. I am not less often sad/angry about the probability of not having a child and I am starting to focus on some new possibilities that I could achieve in the future without motherhood. This might be due to all the stuff I am dealing with at the present time (see above), but time will tell once the above gets resolved, will I still feel like it is "ok" to be childless?
Also, E and I aren't happy with our current living situation...this winter has been horrible on the East Coast and between the snowstorms and ice storms and living in the woods on small country roads and a non-paved long driveway...it has been very expensive in snowplowing and nerve-wrecking in dealing with where to put all the snow and trying not to "break our necks" on the icy driveway. This place is a small cottage built in the 1930's and has very drafty windows and hardwood floors, so it is costing us a small fortune to heat with the very cold temps this year. We already need another fill for our propane tanks and the last fill was in late November. Last year, we were able to stretch it much further. We also feel like we are outgrowing the space as well (especially with having another kitty join our family last April). She loves to run around and jump - she has lots of energy and we would love to have more room for her to do this. We love this place in the Spring/Summer because of the woods and the peacefulness of the area, but enduring these winter months are testing our patience. So, I have been looking for house rentals in this area and we have gone to see a two so far but neither fits the bill.
Lastly, AF - she is overdue (last was Dec. 29th) and I can't even say I am normally xx days in my cycle because I had that in a such a long time. I am feeling like even with the Premphase things are messed up with my cycles - nothing seems somewhat regular and I thought that was the point of the taking the Premphase. I am frustrated with this and it feels like every month that goes by that my cycles aren't normal and I am getting closer to being 44 years old in May...yikes! If you ask me today, how I feel about this and if I think there is a probability of ever being pregnant again, I would say it is very very low. I also have notice a change in my feelings towards not having a child versus how I was feeling a couple of months ago. I am not less often sad/angry about the probability of not having a child and I am starting to focus on some new possibilities that I could achieve in the future without motherhood. This might be due to all the stuff I am dealing with at the present time (see above), but time will tell once the above gets resolved, will I still feel like it is "ok" to be childless?
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