Still Waiting on AF...

I can't believe it is CD50 and just alittle spotting is all I have gotten in the last few days...UGH!  I seriously don't know what to think.  Last time I called my RE when I missed a month, she was like "oh no big deal, that happens", well now this has happened twice since I have been on Premphase.  My expectations of this medicine was that it was suppose to bring on AF and the reason I was put on it was to bring on AF because before that I had gone months without it.  I am just feeling plain frustrated and I feel like just giving up on any future of ever having a child.  The more months that go by and the closer I get to my 44th B-day in May, the more I am thinking about a "childless" future for E and I.  I am trying to look at the positive things we can do in our future that we wouldn't be able if we had a child.  I want to be able to travel more, own our a home again, get a new car for me, me to be successful with Thirty-One and for E continue his education so he can land a full-time job in computer sciences.  I realize that alot of this stuff won't happen if we did have a child anytime soon...if anything it would set us back alot in the financial area and any extra time to focus on anything else.

My patience and frustration levels are very high right now.  Not sure if it has to do with all the stuff we are dealing with like trying to move again, trying to get my new "Thirty-One" business off the ground combined with no AF.  I find myself just not tolerating stuff as easily anymore.  I want so much for E and I now and in the future and things just aren't moving as fast as I would like them in all areas.