Weird Dream...
I had a weird dream last night...I went to a get together with some old high school friends and most of them in the room were married to each other and holding babies. The friend next to me was holding a baby and she turned to talk to me about the good ole' high school days and I remarked how the baby looked a lot like her husband (who was sitting across from us) and then she asked if I would like to hold the baby and I replied "yes" and then she asked how many children I had and when I replied that I didn't have any living children and that I had two miscarriages, she immediately turned and took the baby out of my arms and had this distasteful look on her face (like I had a strange disease) and turned to talk to the person sitting on the other side of her and then I woke up and immediately felt so sad and asking myself why do I have bear this cross.
I know that in the back of my mind I am always on my guard when I am in social settings and having to explain why at almost 44 years old and married...why we don't have any children. I have a few social events coming up in March that I will be attending and I am preparing myself for this inevitable question and the reaction that might come from it....pity, surprise, the "well have you tried...." UGH!
Also, we are approaching the 1 year anniversary on March 8th - when we found out I was pregnant for the second time and then at the end of March, reliving the day I found out I was miscarrying for the second time. It will be a month filled with such great emotion, I am sure. I just wish I wasn't a member of this club EVER...it just plain sucks.
I know that in the back of my mind I am always on my guard when I am in social settings and having to explain why at almost 44 years old and married...why we don't have any children. I have a few social events coming up in March that I will be attending and I am preparing myself for this inevitable question and the reaction that might come from it....pity, surprise, the "well have you tried...." UGH!
Also, we are approaching the 1 year anniversary on March 8th - when we found out I was pregnant for the second time and then at the end of March, reliving the day I found out I was miscarrying for the second time. It will be a month filled with such great emotion, I am sure. I just wish I wasn't a member of this club EVER...it just plain sucks.
It does suck. I am so sorry, my friend. xx
ReplyDeleteYes, it sucks. Royally. The best you can do is be prepared with reasonable answers to all the stupid questions and comments you can anticipate.
ReplyDeleteA lot of people around me used to act like infertility or miscarriage were contagious. That attitude, of removing the baby from you, is one that I actually experienced (though a bit friendlier, she asked if I was OK being around her kids).