An End to the Baby Chapter...
I received a call from my doc. office about the results from the lab regarding the "sac". They couldn't get any chomo results from the tissue. So, basically there is no way of telling why this happened (I hate the fact that there is no good reason...UGH). Also, yesterday, they called with my bloodwork results and they came back fine with the HCG level back to normal and I am not amenic (iron). So, I proceeded to ask about going on birth control (which by the way I haven't been on in about 4 years and back then I was taking Miconor - a progrestrone only pill - I believe I was put on this at that time due to my blood pressure being slightly evaluated and I not liking the way I felt when I took a pill with estrogen in it), the nurse said she would have to talk with one of the doctors (mine is on vacation this week) first. When she called today, she said the doc. on this week would feel better if I speak with my own doc. before prescribing any type of birth control. So, I had to make an appt. for next Thursday afternoon with my doc.
My reasons for going back on the pill is first: I don't want to make a "conscious decision" to get pregnant again. (Remember this pregnancy totally happened out of the blue, after 4 years of trying).
Second: things in our life aren't great with E not having a full-time job. I couldn't deal with the not knowing how we would manage. I don't really know how long it will take for E to get a job and in the meantime, we will be using our savings to help with expenses. Third: I am so so totally scared about the "what ifs". If I were younger, I think I would be more inclined to give it another shot, but I will be 43 years old next month and I just don't think I could physically and emotionally handle going through the unknowns....I am nervous for my health (I have a gut feeling that if a miscarriage happened again...it would be far worse than what I have already experienced). I am just too emotionally and mentally drain right now from this experience. A need a break from all of it. Plus with us being down an income (financial situation). It is so much easier to "deny" E or I something we need or want then it is to deny a child...that would break my heart.
So, I will go see my wonderful doc. on Thursday and explain all the above to her and walk out of that office with a prescription for some type of birth control and that will be that. God has a plan for E and I's future...I do know this in my heart...not sure what that is right now and what it might include, but I have to believe that he knows best.
My reasons for going back on the pill is first: I don't want to make a "conscious decision" to get pregnant again. (Remember this pregnancy totally happened out of the blue, after 4 years of trying).
Second: things in our life aren't great with E not having a full-time job. I couldn't deal with the not knowing how we would manage. I don't really know how long it will take for E to get a job and in the meantime, we will be using our savings to help with expenses. Third: I am so so totally scared about the "what ifs". If I were younger, I think I would be more inclined to give it another shot, but I will be 43 years old next month and I just don't think I could physically and emotionally handle going through the unknowns....I am nervous for my health (I have a gut feeling that if a miscarriage happened again...it would be far worse than what I have already experienced). I am just too emotionally and mentally drain right now from this experience. A need a break from all of it. Plus with us being down an income (financial situation). It is so much easier to "deny" E or I something we need or want then it is to deny a child...that would break my heart.
So, I will go see my wonderful doc. on Thursday and explain all the above to her and walk out of that office with a prescription for some type of birth control and that will be that. God has a plan for E and I's future...I do know this in my heart...not sure what that is right now and what it might include, but I have to believe that he knows best.
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